Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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