I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
