It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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