How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
