My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
