Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My penis needs a shock collar
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
