Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
