Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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