mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize