Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
