My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
