What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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