Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
