woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
