what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
