How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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