as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize