I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
