guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
