if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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