You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
