he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
