he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize