We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
