is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
