Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
