the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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