You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
