Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
