I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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