Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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