all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
