I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
