As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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