Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
