i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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