I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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