Your dad touched me again.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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