anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
