Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
