I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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