5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
