If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize