I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
