I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
