jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
