I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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