Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
