Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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