she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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