my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
