Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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