Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I AM VODKA MAN
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
