Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
