Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
