This girl is more easily done than said...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
