fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
