So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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