she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
