but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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