just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
