You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
