I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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