You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
