dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
