He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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