I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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