I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
